Ginger

Dear Ginger: My human loves to take runs. The problem is, she is quite tall, while my legs are only six inches high. It’s hard for me to keep up. So lately, when I see her don her running clothes, I high-tail it for my kennel, and back myself in. Sometimes I even try to pretend I’m in the middle of a very important nap. Am I letting my person down? ~Mixed Feelings

Dear Mixed: Your situation is distressing. You obviously want to be a loyal and eager companion. However, it does appear you are rather short, and may not have the necessary dimensionality to be a good running partner. You shouldn’t feel bad…remember, good things come in small packages. When your human goes running, allow yourself to enjoy a good chew of the bone, then give her a warm greeting when she gets home. ~Ginger

Dear Ginger:  I’m having trouble communicating with my human. As you know, one way we dogs communicate is by mentally sending thoughts, images, and feelings. But when I do this, it’s like no one is picking up the phone on the other end. All of my thoughts are just floating around in the air above my dog bed, unreceived. ~ Frustrated and exhausted

Dear Frustrated:  Unfortunately, not all humans have our natural ability for mind-to-mind communication. You may send a thought clear as day, only to have it be completely missed. Perhaps try a soft bark to get your human’s attention, then stare meaningfully into her eyes (like you do when you need to go do your business). Hopefully this will get her attention and focus long enough for your message to be received. Good luck!  ~Ginger

Dear Ginger: Recently I had the most amazing experience. I stopped by a friend’s house, and her human gave me a huge bone, three times the size of normal! It was a miracle of abundance. The problem is, it’s as long as my body, and I’m wondering if maybe it’s too much of a good thing. ~Chew Weary

Dear Weary: There is no such thing as too much of a good thing. That’s how humans think because they’re always worried if something good happens, that means something bad will happen next. Or sometimes they feel they aren’t worthy. You’re a dog, so never mind all of that nonsense. You have everything it takes to handle this bone. And if you feel too intimidated to chew it, you can at least hide it, hoard it, and check on it everyday to make sure it hasn’t been stolen. That always gives a canine satisfaction. ~Ginger

Dear Ginger:  In spite of my luxurious, fluffy ears, I seem to have a hearing problem. Lately, when my human gives me a command, I just don’t notice. The strange part is, if she brings out a treat, I can hear even the slightest direction across the length of an athletic field. I’m too young for a hearing aid. What should I do?               ~ Can’t Hear You

Dear Can’t Hear: Not to worry. You have a condition common to us dogs. Humans call it selective hearing. You may notice they exhibit it also…say when they’re asked to take out the trash or pick up the poop. We dogs have a specialized form called audiovictus, meaning to hear with food. For unknown reasons, many of us just need a treat or two in the vicinity to be able to get our ears to work properly. Some people say treats are bribes for your dog. Nothing could be further from the truth; they’re called treats because they treat a very real condition. So even if your ears were not fluffy and puffy, you would likely still have to learn to live with it. My advice…enjoy taking your medicine. ~ Ginger

Dear Ginger:  I have a mini-Australian Shepherd / Poodle mix friend who is great to romp around with. She runs fast, has awesome evasive maneuvers, and looks good doin’ it, too! The only problem is she steals my bone when she visits the house. Even when I’m paying attention, she always manages to sneak one out. It’s scary how good she is at thieving. What should I do?          ~ Friend of a Klepto

Dear Friend of a Klepto: If this was a person, I would advise you to get her help from a therapist. But, we’re dogs, girl. And I don’t know any self-respecting pooch who wouldn’t try to take a bone when confronted with the opportunity. In fact, I think I know who you are, and I believe you recently tried to take one of mine! My advice to you is to tell your fetching friend, “Game on!” Then go steal your bone right back. And remember, a bone in the mouth is worth two in the bush.  ~ Ginger

Dear Ginger: I’m in love with the cat next door. He lives on the recycling bin. Unfortunately, he rebuffs all of my advances. Whenever he gets in a cat fight he puts out a call for help. I bark until my owners let me out to rescue him. I’m starting to feel used. How can I get closer? ~Stumped

Dear Stumped: A relationship with a cat can be difficult.There are serious trust issues to overcome, as well as different communication styles. Have you ever read the book, Dogs are from Mars, Cats are from Venus? I recommend you obtain a copy to understand the dynamics at play in more depth. It can be found in the Doggy Self-Help section of your local bookstore.  ~ Ginger

You can contact Ginger at AskGinger@small-poodle-at-large.com.

Dear Ginger: My brother, Mr. Bo Jangles, is a decoy artist. Whenever I try to snuggle up in one of our human’s laps, he distracts me by cleaning my ears…which I love. Before I know it, he’s up in the lap, too! I know he is possessive and wants the most attention. I find it distasteful to snarl at him during such times. But I really want some alone time with my family. How do I handle this with aplomb?  ~Lulu

Dear Lulu:  Get it together, girl! If you lose your focus every time any Bo, Dick or Hairy starts licking your ears, you’ll never get what you really want. Keep your eye on the prize, and you’ll have Mr. Bo Jangles re-trained in no time.  ~Ginger

Have a question for Ginger? E-mail her at AskGinger@small-poodle-at-large.com

Dear Ginger: My best friend, Winnie, has the most long and luxurious poodle ears. My mom cuts mine short. When I see Winnie, I just want to yank those beautiful ears.  I think if she were really my best friend, she’d cut hers short so I don’t have to be jealous.  What do you think? ~Green with Envy

Dear Green, I know you’re a dog, but you don’t have to be a b–ch. Let your friends shine. You’ll be a better poodle for it.

If you’re a dog in need of advice, send Ginger a woof at AskGinger@small-poodle-at-large.com.